Airports are the world’s greatest social laboratories. Where else do you queue barefoot, surrender your liquids and have strangers pat you down all before breakfast
Recently, at airport security, a woman barked instructions at us like a drill sergeant: ‘BELT OFF! SHOES OFF! LAPTOP OUT! LIQUIDS IN A CLEAR BAG!’
A week later, a different officer smiled warmly: ‘Good morning, sir. Take your time, no rush.’ Same job. Same queue. But a completely different experience.
On the flight out, the stewardess was colder than the ice cubes. On the return journey, her colleague greeted us as if we were long-lost friends: ‘Welcome aboard! Lovely to have you with us.’ I felt valued.
So why the difference? Why are some people rude while others radiate kindness? Why do basic manners seem rare?
Why Are People Rude?
- Stress: life is lived at 100mph, but stress isn’t an excuse for savagery.
- Self-absorption: glued to their phones, people forget that actual humans exist.
- Contagion: psychologist Robert Sutton notes that rudeness spreads like a virus – one sharp word can infect the whole room.
- Cultural climate: sociologist Sherry Turkle observes that our ‘always-on’ digital lives erode empathy. We’re connected, but not connecting.
- Choice: let’s face it, some people are rude because they’ve decided to be.
Mark Twain once quipped: ‘Courtesy is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.’ Sadly, too many today are illiterate in that language.
Why Manners Matter
Manners aren’t decoration; they’re the oil in the social engine. Without them, everything grinds, squeaks and eventually breaks down.
Jesus put it best: ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you’ (Luke 6:31 NIV).
And Paul reminds us: ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you’ (Ephesians 4:32 NIV).
A smile costs nothing. A ‘thank you’ takes a second. But both are remembered long after the coffee has gone cold.
The ABCs of Good Manners
To keep it simple (and memorable), here are six practices all beginning with ‘A’:
1. Acknowledge
Look up. See people. Don’t treat them like background props. A smile and eye contact can be the highlight of their day.
If you’re nice to the boss but rude to the cleaner, you’re not a nice person.
2. Appreciate
Say ‘thank you’. Gratitude is the oil of life. It stops the squeaks. Without it, every interaction feels rusty.
3. Ask
Make requests, not demands. ‘Could you pop your bag on the belt, please?’ works wonders.
4. Apologise
When we get it wrong (and we will), say, ‘I’m sorry.’ It repairs more bridges than any civil engineer ever has.
5. Allow
Hold doors. Let someone merge in traffic. Don’t elbow your way to the last free seat on the train.
Manners are expressions of love in little things.
6. Avoid
Avoid shouting, interrupting, hogging the armrest, blasting your phone on speaker. In short: avoid being ‘that person’.
Everyday Examples of Manners Gone Missing
- The Queue: Brits invented queuing. It’s practically a national sport. Cutting in line is social treason.
- The Supermarket Trolley: If you ram me in the Achilles with your trolley, at least apologise before grabbing the last fresh loaf of bread.
- Public Phones: Why do people shout into mobiles as if the other person is on Mars? The whole café does not need to know what you are doing at the weekend.
- Social Media: Keyboard warriors type things they’d never dare say face-to-face. Rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t say it to your grandma, don’t post it.
Why Are GP Receptionists and Doctors So Rude?
If there were a global league table of rudeness, GP receptionists would be medal contenders. Why is it that when you call your local surgery, the receptionist sounds as if you’ve just interrupted their audition for Britain’s Got Attitude?
‘Hello, I’d like to book an appointment, please.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘Well, I’d rather tell the doctor . . .’
‘THE DOCTOR WON’T SEE YOU WITHOUT A REASON.’
By this point, you don’t need the doctor . . . you need therapy.
And then, if you actually get to see the doctor, things aren’t much better. Most doctors are brilliant at medicine, but some appear to have had a personality bypass in medical school. They can recite the Latin name of your kneecap but struggle with the English words ‘Good morning’.
The ‘bedside manner’ is often less ‘compassionate healer’ and more ‘grumpy mechanic’. They prod, they scribble, they sigh. Occasionally, they glance up – not at you, but at the clock.
Of course, many receptionists and doctors are wonderful, polite, kind, attentive. But when they’re not, the experience is unforgettable. It proves again that manners matter as much as medicine.
Ten Signs You Have Good Manners
So, how do you know if you’re part of the solution, not part of the problem? Here’s a quick test:
- You let someone go ahead of you in a queue, even if it’s painful.
- You don’t treat staff like servants; you say ‘thank you’ to the barista who spells your name wrong.
- You make way for others as you pass on the pavement.
- You don’t blast your phone on speaker.
- You apologise when you bump into someone, even if it was their fault (bonus points if you add a smile).
- You hold the door open and don’t grumble if they don’t thank you. You did it because you’re nice, not for the applause.
- You write thank-you notes or at least send a text with more than just ‘thx’.
- You don’t cut in traffic or queues because you know that’s how civilisations collapse.
- You greet people warmly, not with a grunt.
- You practise the Golden Rule: ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you.’
The Final Word
Here’s the good news: manners are free, portable, and always in fashion. A kind word, a smile, a touch of patience – these are tiny acts with massive impact.
So, whether you’re in an airport queue, a supermarket aisle, or a GP’s waiting room, remember: you have the power to change the atmosphere. You can be vinegar, or you can be honey.
And as my grandmother often said: ‘Good manners cost nothing, but buy you everything.’
Grace and peace,
J.John
