There is something strange about funerals. We gather and say wonderful things about someone who is no longer there to hear them.
‘He encouraged me.’
‘She was so generous.’
‘He changed my life.’
‘She believed in me.’
And I sometimes wonder: did we tell them? At funerals, we bring flowers, write tributes and express our appreciation – all entirely appropriate. But funeral flowers have one obvious limitation: the person they are for cannot smell them. So here is a simple thought . . .
Give flowers before the funeral.
I don’t only mean actual flowers, although that’s not a bad idea. Give people your appreciation, encouragement and affection while they are here to receive them. Don’t wait until someone’s funeral to discover your vocabulary of gratitude.
Say It Now
We are good at thinking kind things about people but not always as good at telling them. You appreciate someone? Tell them.
Someone has helped shape your life? Thank them.
Someone needs encouragement? Give it.
Unexpressed gratitude blesses nobody. Paul writes, ‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing’ (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT). I love those words: ‘build each other up’. Words build. They can strengthen someone, restore confidence and put courage back into a weary heart. Perhaps after a conversation we should ask not simply, ‘What did I say?’ but, ‘What did my words build?’
Encouragement Isn’t Flattery
Flattery says what isn’t true in order to get something. Encouragement says what is true in order to give something. Biblical encouragement isn’t pretending everyone is brilliant at everything. Some people sing beautifully. Others should perhaps concentrate on making a joyful noise unto the Lord – quietly. Encouragement notices something genuine and has the generosity to say it.
‘Thank you for your faithfulness.’
‘You handled that beautifully.’
‘I appreciate you.’
A few sincere words can carry someone a long way. We rarely know the battles behind the faces we see. The confident person may be discouraged. The successful person may feel inadequate. The person encouraging everybody else may wonder whether anybody notices them. Never underestimate the power of one sincere sentence.
Jesus Noticed People
Jesus had a remarkable ability to notice individuals. Zacchaeus up a tree. A widow giving two small coins. Blind Bartimaeus beside the road. Children the disciples considered an interruption. A woman reaching through a crowd to touch his robe.
Jesus made people feel visible. Perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person: I see you. I value you. You matter.
Our world is technologically connected yet easily becomes personally disconnected. We have hundreds of contacts but sometimes very little contact. We click ‘like’ when perhaps we should pick up the telephone. Technology connects devices. Love connects hearts.
Don’t Postpone Gratitude
There are things we intend to do:
I’ll phone them later.
I’ll write that note.
I’ll thank that teacher.
I’ll tell my friend what their friendship has meant.
Then days become months, months become years, and sometimes the opportunity disappears. Certain words become heavier the longer we carry them:
‘Thank you.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I love you.’
‘I’m proud of you.’
They become lighter when we give them away.
Scripture says, ‘This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it’ (Psalm 118:24 NLT).
Yesterday has gone. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Love has to live today.
Catch People Doing Something Right Today
Most of us have a highly developed radar for mistakes. A waiter can serve us beautifully throughout a meal but if the coffee arrives cold, suddenly we discover our gift of honesty! A spouse can do nine things well, yet somehow number ten dominates the conversation. Why are compliments whispered while complaints are broadcast?
Reverse it. Catch people doing something right. Notice the effort. Recognise the kindness. Celebrate the progress. Thank the person who is normally taken for granted. Encouragement is sunshine for the soul.
The Fingerprints on Your Life
Think about the people who helped make you who you are. A parent. A grandparent. A teacher. A pastor. A colleague. A friend. Someone opened a door. Someone gave you an opportunity. Someone prayed for you. Someone believed in you when you struggled to believe in yourself.
None of us is self-made. We are all walking around carrying other people’s fingerprints. Have we thanked the people whose fingerprints are on our lives? Paul did. The closing chapters of his letters contain name after name of people he valued and honoured.
Romans 12:10 (NLT) says, ‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honouring each other.’
Take delight in honouring each other. Great people don’t become smaller by honouring others.
Give People Their Flowers
Perhaps a name has already come to mind. Do something today. Make the call. Send the message. Write the letter. Arrange the meal. Buy the flowers. And be specific.
‘Thank you for believing in me.’
‘I’ve never forgotten what you did.’
‘Your friendship has enriched my life.’
‘You probably don’t remember saying this but I’ve remembered it ever since.’
Specific gratitude has weight. And don’t assume that ‘they know’. They may not.
The God Who Expresses His Love
At Jesus’ baptism, the Father’s voice came from heaven: ‘You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy’ (Mark 1:11 NLT).
Loved. Affirmed. Delighted in. And God’s supreme expression of love was not something grown in a garden but Someone who prayed in one: ‘For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son . . .’ (John 3:16 NLT).
God didn’t merely declare his love, he demonstrated it. Love gave. Love came. Love went to the cross. Christianity stands upon expressed love. Ours should be expressed too.
One day, every one of us will have a funeral. Words may be spoken, memories shared and flowers placed. But today there are people who can still receive our appreciation. So make the call, write the note and say the words, because the best flowers aren’t those placed beside our coffin – they are the ones placed into our hands while we can still smell them.
Ask yourself, ‘Who needs to know today that my life is better because they are in it?’
When a name comes to mind, tell them.
Give flowers before the funeral.
J.John
